We begin with a Friday night brownout at Molineux, with nobody predicting a home win for Wolves over Villa. Nice to see a return of the ISS ’98 “bicycle kick clearance in your own penalty area” trope, sadly it wasn’t enough to inspire a comeback. Soggy pitch, soggy performance from Villa. Chris, Ian and Jez all came closest going for a draw. Lawro was the only player to predict a draw in the Bournemouth-Sunderland game. Seems so obvious now, two middling teams in the midday game doing middle stuff. Particularly in the midfield.

Jez and Rob were the only players not to predict a win for Brentford away at Burnley. Sometimes, the universe just wants you to get relegated. But not only that – you have to get relegated and feel extreme anguish having been jubilant only a few moments earlier. It’s just wanton cruelty at this point. Clean sweep at Anfield, absolutely no surprise that nobody thought the ’ammers were gonna do ’em. Liverpool still not great though, and it didn’t feel like West Ham weren’t competing here, despite the scoreline. Miki lands a +12 for banking on the correct GD for his beloved Scousers.

Brownout at St James’s Park, with nobody predicting an away win for Everton over Newcastle. For a side with a good smattering of quality players, Newcastle are a bit… well, shite? “He scores with his arse, he scores with his arse” etc. Thierno Barry with the goal of the month (surely) and a new chant for the Everton fans (you’re welcome). Dave and Jez were the only ones not to predict a win for Man City away at Leeds. I‘m warmed by the sentiment, and I’m sure my fellow Arse fans are too. And given DCL’s form, he should have stuck that early chance away. (Fuck’s sake!)

Lawro, Matt, me and Phil all incorrectly went for the draw in the Forest-Brighton game; everyone else got it correct, including six players getting the 2-1 scoreline bang on. Good early action and then a whole lot of nothing. Anne-Marie, Chris, Dave, Ed, Ellman, Ian, Matt and me all correctly called Fulham’s win over Spurs. 2-1 flattered Tottenham, they were fucking rank. Could they really go down? Igor Tudor, looking like a man recalled from a long-term fishing expedition, and getting the expected results. Ellman banked on the 2-1 for a cranabolic amphetamoid of a +21.

Anne-Marie and Dave were the only players not to predict a win for Man Utd over Palace. Just like the good old days, eh? A fucking ridiculous non-penalty gifting the home side a win.

And finally, Damo, Jez and Phil were the only ones not to predict a win for Arsenal over Chelsea. The invincibles we ain’t. In fact, we were looking extremely vincible in the last 20 minutes, as we always seem to when leading matches lately. Players falling over randomly, lack of communication, silly mistakes, David Raya hopping and rushing around like a kangaroo on cocaine. Gyokeres playing like it’s his debut on a planet with wildly different gravity than his own. Arteta generously bringing on Havertz with 15 minutes to go to make it 10 vs 10 and a fairer fight. I suppose it feels more hard earned that way. Well, a win’s a win, so whatever, but it would be nice to win without generating nervous breakdowns all over the shop. 8 players got the 2-1 scoreline exactly right.

Week 28 table:

Lawro retakes top spot from Matt, but there’s still only a point in it. Dave, Ian and Miki all remain in touch of the top two. Ed’s big week sees him entrench a mid-table spot. Ellman’s bonanza eases him away from the basement battle, whilst Antoine’s brief dalliance with last place is over and I’m back at the bottom.