With the adrenaline rush of a glorified friendly draw against Germany now finally wearing off, those of us who question Harry Maguire’s inclusion in England’s World Cup starting XI must now answer the question: who, then? Let’s look at the potential options.

Tony Adams: Age: 55, Caps: 66, Goals: 5

Lack of pace shouldn’t be a big problem, since he was never the quickest and relied on the famous Arsenal offside trap to get him out of trouble. Last seen stumbling across the ballroom at Elstree Studios. 30YS rating: A

Andy Linighan: Age: 60, England B Caps: 4

Again, mobility was never Linighan’s MO, and really, if any England team is going to pick him, it’s going to be the one playing a low block a la Southgate. Last seen plumbing in Hertfordshire. 30YS rating: B-

Chris Sutton: Age 49: Caps: 1

Though more well known as a striker, his original incarnation as a defender was remembered well enough to label him as a “D/S C” on CM9798. Plus, the ability to play in different positions will be an attractive option to Southgate when we’re chasing the game against Wales on November 29. All of this, of course, comes with the added bonus of getting his moaning arse out of the 5 live studio and away from my delicate ears. 30YS rating: A+

Steve Bruce: Age: 61, England B Caps: 1

Cruelly overlooked in his prime by Bobby Robson in favour of other, better defenders, the “uncapped cabbage” as he isn’t known could still force his way into Southgate’s plans. Last seen playing 4-4-2 at the Hawthorns and being the first manager in charge of 1,000 excruciatingly turgid football matches. 30YS rating: C

Andy Thorn: Age: 55, England U21 caps: 5

An experienced defender in teams that defended a lot, which would suit Southgate’s England. Really only included so he can come on as a sub and they can play “Thorn in your eye” by Anthrax as his entrance music. Last seen briefly managing Kidderminster. 30YS rating: C+

Harry Kane: Age: 29, Caps: 75, Goals: 51

Whilst some would consider it a bold and unusual move to put your most prolific striker into central defence, Kane’s game has seen him dropping a lot deeper over the years, so it’s really only the next logical step for him to fully assume defensive responsibilties. We also know he’s good at defending, attacking and taking corners for England, which are really the three key components of any defender’s game. Last seen warming up for his metatarsal injury in the NLD by smashing home a penalty against Germany. 30YS rating: A*

Conclusion: With a central defensive pairing of Chris Sutton and Harry Kane, England will rightly be favourites for the tournament.

Today’s feeling: World Cup Winners. End of.