I\u2019ve included all managers who took charge of a Premier League game this season, not including COVID-based stand-ins, or anyone else I\u2019ve probably forgot. Of the 24 lads that have been in charge this season, 14 already existed in the database and have been transferred in. The other 10 have been created manually, based on info about their playing career and style from Wikipedia and my own personal evaluation of what they were like having never seen most of them kick a ball.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, Wikipedia says that Demetriou Albertini was basically a clone of Carlo Ancelotti, so I\u2019ve just copied DA\u2019s stats across verbatim:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sam Allardyce is your classic no-nonsense centre back:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Roy Hodgson, given his long and varied career, a very adaptable man:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jose Mourinho, the maverick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I imagine Brodge to be a bit more of a cultured defender:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bielsa I reckon would be a good all-rounder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I won\u2019t bore you to tears with every single one, since most of the others all finished playing quite recently, and I can\u2019t be bothered to argue with you about just how good Ryan Mason really <\/em>was. So, here\u2019s the squad:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The squad is perhaps a tad<\/em> unbalanced, so I think we\u2019ll make a rule that, during season 1, we\u2019re allowed to bring in one future\/former Premier League manager that appears in the database, so the likes of Alan Shearer, Stuart Pearce, Paul Lambert etc will all be fair game. (Just looking through the list for potential attacking talent. Dowie. Lombardo. Big Dunc!) Oh yes and we needed a backup keeper so Pegguy Arphexad bravely agreed to step in, despite his lack of management experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n First XI<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d like to think we\u2019ll be quite solid defensively, given how many bloody defenders we\u2019ve got. We\u2019re fairly fortunate in that Guardiola and Solskjaer are pretty handy, but OGS is out for 3 months so we\u2019re probably going to struggle for goals in the interim, unless Ralph Hasenh\u00fcttl turns out to be a goal machine. When Solskjaer returns, I\u2019ll likely play the 3-3-1-1-2 that won me the league in the first season with Arsenal. Until then, we\u2019ll exchange a forward for an AM:<\/p>\n\n\n\n We can always try Dean Smith as an auxiliary striker, he\u2019s got 8 goals in each of the last two seasons playing for Hereford! Shooting 14 as well. Noted. Right, let\u2019s see who we\u2019ve got in our first few games.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ahh bloody hell. Maybe we can ask Roy Hodgson what \u201cBaptism of Fire\u201d is in Norwegian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Right then, here we go. Game day 1:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1-0 up at half time. Mourinho gives us an early lead. Klopp is struggling with a back injury but as it\u2019s Liverpool, I daren\u2019t take him off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well blow me down! Handsome Ralph comes up with the goods in the second half. I promise not to be this forensic in every match, but here\u2019s the ratings and stats:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Little cameo from Brodge there, playing as a 7 and a half. Next up, it\u2019s a visit from the Arsenal. Klopp\u2019s injured from the knock in the Liverpool game, and Bilic has got a bruised jaw, so we bring in Big Sam and Thomas Tuchel to cover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, that was a bit of a damp squib. Still looking good defensively, but with Arteta not match fit and OGS still out injured, we\u2019re having to make do. Also, Roy\u2019s just hit the big Five-O, and he must have had some sort of mid-life gym-inspired crisis, because the man now has vastly improved strength, stamina and pace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps feeling something is amiss with this save, Barcelona come sniffing around Guardiola.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No, you can\u2019t have Mikel Arteta either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Can everyone just leave my players alone, please? I\u2019m trying to do something here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 42 year-old Bielsa on the bench for Argentina but he doesn\u2019t get the nod!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sporting Lisbon come in with a derisory \u00a3575k bid for Mourinho. I tell them to jog on. Next up, it\u2019s the final leg of our Triptych of Destiny, and a tough test for our managers against the Great Manager himself, Lord Ferg. Klopp and Bilic are fit again, so they return to the back 3, and Arteta\u2019s now at 92% fitness, so he replaces Scott Parker in central midfield. Ryan Mason is now also injured, so our most attacking substitute option is\u2026Sean Dyche. Nah, I\u2019ll put Dean Smith up front if I have to. It\u2019s away to Man Utd, we\u2019re screwed anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We hang on until the 74th<\/sup> minute, but the pressure was just too much in the end. We\u2019ll stick with the same team against West Ham, no shame in losing at Old Trafford and we need to try and build some stability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s better! [\/Townsend] 3-0 up after 49 minutes so it\u2019s a chance to rest our precious attackers. Smith and Brodge replace Handsome Ralph and Jose respectively, and the two makeshift attackers perform creditably well as we run out 4-1 winners. Lampard scores 2 against his old club. Of course he does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Next up is a trip to 3rd<\/sup> place Barnsley, flying high in this nascent league table. Definitely sticking with the same side that saw off the Hammers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Terrible performance. Only 4 shots all game. I pulled off Bielsa and put Dean Smith up front with Ralph, and switched to direct style for the last 20 minutes, but didn\u2019t get us anywhere. Terrible. Can we buy Alan Shearer yet?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Home to Villa. Arteta hasn\u2019t been playing well so I\u2019m popping Scott Parker back into centre mid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Absolute pony. Ole! We need you! I think we\u2019re gonna need to change formation, but it\u2019s going to be tricky with so few attacking options, so I\u2019ll have to play a few lads out of position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n OGS is still only 81% so I don\u2019t want to risk starting him. Parker got injured on U21 duty so we bring in Brodge to cover. Guardiola moves to centre mid to hopefully pull some strings a bit further forward, and we\u2019ll rely on Bielsa\u2019s 42 years of wizardry to shield next to Brodge. I don\u2019t think our team of journeyman-player-turned-star-managers has enough to maintain a passing game so we\u2019re going direct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Much improved. Lampard does the business. Captain Steve Bruce goes off injured, and since I\u2019ve got Allardyce on the bench and it\u2019s Bolton, why not? Per Frandsen gives us a wobble, so we bring on Tuchel for Brodge and OGS for Arteta and see it out safely after Lamps gets a hat trick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Next up it\u2019s the League Cup against Northampton. We\u2019re gonna rotate the squad a bit, so it\u2019s full debuts for Moyes, Dyche and Potter. Mourinho gets a recall for his favourite competition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Handsome Ralph with a brace, Sean Dyche also bagging on his debut. Jose shows up for this one, as you\u2019d expect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oooh, Vialli got sacked after losing 6-0 to Villa. Time to sign my one former manager wildcard for the season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Home to Newcastle. Bruce is out for a month so we\u2019ll go for Big Sam as Captain. OGS gets his first start. Team is starting to feel more balanced. Vialli on the bench, Mourinho doesn\u2019t make the squad. (Ha!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n It starts well, with Mr Carlo raising his eyebrow high enough to score his first goal for us, but we\u2019re soon behind thanks to the Geordie all-star smash\u2019n\u2019grab dream team of Andreas Andersson and Timour Ketsbaia. OGS isn\u2019t playing well, so Vialli comes off the bench and rescues a point on his debut. Creditable result, but we\u2019re a bit lucky as they were our only two shots on target.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Right, well I think we\u2019ll leave it there for now. A steady enough start hopefully we\u2019ll find some more rhythm as the season goes on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I thought it might be a fun, if not that original idea, to put all of the 20\/21 Premier League managers into a team and see how they got on. Creating the squad I\u2019ve included all managers who took charge … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.30yardsniper.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Screenshot-2021-05-21-at-09.12.26.png\")
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