We start off with 6 cuts in 4 seconds, incorporating the logos of each side, consecutive shots of Harry Kane and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang puffing their cheeks prior to taking a set piece, and then black and white footage of Highbury and the old Spurs crest. We then at least get the obligatory \u201cclassic goal\u201d bit, with Gazza\u2019s thunderbastard in the \u201991 cup semi-final at Wembley, followed by Brady\u2019s cracker at the Lane in \u201978.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA battle for supremacy between two of football\u2019s heavyweights,\u201d narrates Mark Chapman over all this, taking us a whole 7 seconds into the spot, at which point we see a triptych of the famous image of Mohammed Ali standing over Sonny Liston in their 1965 rematch, followed by a zoomed shot of Ali\u2019s shorts and left glove on the same picture, followed by the same image in full frame, all in less than 2\/3 of a second. BECAUSE HEAVYWEIGHTS, SEE? GEDDIT?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUntil recently, Arsenal ruled the roost,\u201d continues Chappers, as we see shots of Thierry Henry putting his finger to his lips with a \u201cshush\u201d gesture, a bespectacled Arsene Wenger from the very early days, a Dennis Bergkamp knee-slide, Robin van Persie celebrating with his arms open, before another sub-second triple cut with weird zoom and stretching of French strongman Charles Rigoulot. BECAUSE WENGER WAS FRENCH AND ARSENAL WERE \u201cSTRONGER\u201d THEN, SEE?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026but as the Invincibles became the Vulnerables,\u201d says Chappers, as Pires finishes with his left foot and Tony Adams lifts the Premier League trophy in \u201998, before switching gears to a morose and aged looking late-era Wenger, Alexis Sanchez moping around looking sad, and another sub-second triple cut of a big green sign for \u201cVunerability just ahead\u201d. BECAUSE ARSENAL HAVE BEEN VULNERABLE IN RECENT YEARS, SEE?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026it was Tottenham who took the ascendancy,\u201d with Bale slotting past Fabianski, Harry Redknapp arms aloft in joy, Aaron Lennon diving full length after making it 4-4 in 2008, Eric Dier looking pumped, Dele Alli looking happy, Danny Rose\u2019s thunderbastard sequel, Gareth Bale\u2019s heart celebration close up to pitch-side camera, Spurs fans celebrating wildly next to some glum looking gooners. 10 cuts in 6.5 seconds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey\u2019ve finished above their neighbours in the league for the last four seasons.\u201d Slow-mo shot of Pochettino standing on the touchline near Wenger. As Chappers says the word \u201cneighbours\u201d, we get a sub-second triple cut of perm\/mullet era Kylie & Jason, FROM NEIGHBOURS. BECAUSE THEY WERE IN NEIGHBOURS AND ARSENAL AND SPURS ARE NEIGHBOURS, SEE? Kane scores a penalty. Kane celebrates scoring a penalty. A Spurs fan holds up an A3 piece of paper saying \u201cMIND THE GAP\u201d (#bantz~!) Sub-second triple cut of a sign for the \u201cFour seasons hotel\u201d. BECAUSE oh my God. Oh my GOD. Kane scores from a tight angle and Guy Mowbray shouts \u201cTOTAL TOTTENHAM TURNAROUND!\u201d Kane slides on his bum in celebration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA recent slump has seen Arteta\u2019s men fall behind Mourinho and co. again,\u201d as Xhaka punts it into Chris Wood\u2019s hip for the Burnley qualiser the other day, Arteta claps furiously, Xhaka wipes his nose on his sleeve in slow motion, Kane smashes one in off the underside of the bar, Mourinho hugs Joao Sacramento, Spurs fans celebrate wildly (again).<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut there\u2019s nothing like derby day to inject some life into a faltering season.\u201d Spurs players have a group hug. As Chappers says \u201cinject\u201d, we see a post-animated black and white image of someone pumping up an old leather football. INJECT, SEE? Touchline fracas. Mourinho concentrating. Arteta looking stoic. Sub-second triple cut of an Arsenal banner that reads \u201cKEEP THE FAITH\u201d. Saka does a knee slide, Kane, Bale and Moura hug. Aerial shot of the Emirates as chappers says \u201cYour commentator is Steve Wilson.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So there you have it. 67 cuts in 40 seconds, an intro to the NLD that\u2019s essentially an attack on your senses. It finishes leaving you disoriented, disconnected and nauseas, like after a Jose Mourinho post-match interview when Tottenham lose. A piece with all the subtelty and nuance of someone smashing you over the head with a cello. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway, here it is, in all its vomit-inducing glory: (CAUTION: may cause sickness)<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.30yardsniper.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Screenshot-2021-03-16-at-13.41.25.png\")
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